Parenting Style Clashes? Here’s How Couples Therapy Can Get You on the Same Page
Parenting is one of the most profound and challenging journeys a couple can embark on together. But despite its significance, many parents never sit down to have a formal conversation about how they want to raise their children. More often than not, parenting styles aren’t clearly defined until couples are faced with real-life situations that require them to make decisions on the spot. That’s when differences become glaringly obvious, leading to frustration, confusion, and sometimes serious conflict.
Couples therapy in Los Angeles, CA can be a powerful tool in helping parents navigate these differences and create a balanced, intentional approach to raising their children. By fostering open discussions, identifying values, and finding common ground, therapy can help parents move from conflict to collaboration—for the well-being of both their relationship and their child.
Understanding Parenting Styles
Parenting styles are shaped by a variety of factors, including our own upbringing, cultural background, personal beliefs, and even past traumas. While every parent brings a unique perspective to raising a child, psychological research has identified four general parenting styles:
1. Authoritarian Parenting
High expectations, strict rules, and little room for negotiation.
Emphasizes obedience and discipline over emotional connection.
Children may develop strong self-discipline but can also struggle with self-esteem and fear making mistakes.
Example: "You do what I say because I said so."
2. Permissive Parenting
Highly nurturing and communicative but with few rules or boundaries.
Focuses on making the child happy rather than enforcing structure.
Can lead to children struggling with self-regulation and respect for authority.
Example: "I just want my child to feel free and happy, so I don’t enforce strict rules."
3. Authoritative Parenting (Balanced Approach)
High expectations but also high responsiveness.
Encourages independence while setting clear boundaries.
Children raised with this style tend to develop confidence, emotional intelligence, and strong problem-solving skills.
Example: "I understand you're upset, but we still need to follow the rules. Let's talk about why."
4. Neglectful/Uninvolved Parenting
Low responsiveness and low expectations.
Parents may be emotionally distant or preoccupied with their own issues.
Can result in children feeling emotionally unsupported and struggling with self-worth.
Example: "Figure it out yourself."
What Influences Parenting Styles?
Many factors contribute to how we parent, including:
Our own childhood experiences: We may unconsciously replicate or reject the way we were raised.
Cultural background: Different cultures have different values regarding discipline, independence, and family dynamics.
Personality differences: Some parents are naturally more structured, while others are more laid-back.
Life circumstances: Stress, financial struggles, and work commitments can all affect parenting approaches.
Trauma and mental health: Past trauma or anxiety can influence how a parent responds to their child's behavior.
What Happens When Parenting Styles Clash?
When two parents have differing parenting styles, conflicts can quickly arise. Here are some common challenges:
1. The "Strict vs. Soft" Battle
One parent believes in firm discipline, while the other is more lenient. This can lead to a dynamic where the stricter parent feels unsupported, and the more permissive parent feels like the child isn’t being heard.
Example: One parent enforces bedtime, while the other lets the child stay up late. The child starts manipulating the situation, causing resentment between the parents.
2. Inconsistent Boundaries
When parents aren’t on the same page, children receive mixed signals about what’s expected of them. This can lead to confusion and behavioral problems.
Example: One parent allows screen time during meals, while the other forbids it. The child learns to play one parent against the other.
3. Resentment & Undermining
If one parent constantly overrides or dismisses the other’s decisions, it can create feelings of disrespect and resentment.
Example: A mother tells her child they can’t have dessert until they finish dinner, but the father sneaks them a cookie anyway. This undermines trust and causes conflict.
4. Emotional Distance & Arguments
Over time, unresolved parenting disagreements can strain a relationship. Parents may start to withdraw from each other emotionally, and parenting discussions turn into full-blown arguments.
How Couples Therapy in Los Angeles, CA Can Help
Couples counseling in Los Angeles provides a neutral space where parents can openly discuss their differences, gain insight into their parenting philosophies, and work towards a shared approach. Here’s how couples therapy can help:
Creating Awareness & Understanding
Therapy helps each parent explore why they feel so strongly about certain parenting decisions. Understanding each other’s perspectives allows for more empathy and less frustration.
Clarifying Core Values
Through guided conversations, couples can identify the core values they want to instill in their children. Instead of reacting based on habit or emotion, therapy helps parents intentionally decide what’s most important.
Developing a Unified Parenting Approach
Couple therapists help couples find a middle ground by blending their styles into a balanced approach that supports the child’s well-being.
Improving Communication & Conflict Resolution
Therapy teaches couples to communicate more effectively and resolve parenting disagreements without turning them into heated arguments.
Learning When to Compromise
At the end of the day, parenting isn’t about proving who’s right—it’s about doing what’s best for the child. Therapy helps parents let go of their egos and make decisions that prioritize their child’s needs over personal preferences.
Co-Parenting Support (Even If You’re No Longer Together)
Couples therapy isn’t just for those in romantic relationships. If you’re co-parenting after a separation or divorce, therapy can help you create a stable and supportive environment for your child without tension and miscommunication.
It’s Not About You—It’s About Your Child
Parenting disagreements are natural, but unresolved conflicts can harm both your relationship and your child’s development. By seeking therapy, parents can move past power struggles and work towards a unified, thoughtful approach to raising their children.
Instead of mindlessly repeating the same patterns from your own upbringing, therapy allows you to consciously decide the kind of parent—and partner—you want to be. And most importantly, it ensures that your child grows up in an environment filled with love, stability, and mutual respect.
If parenting style clashes are creating tension in your relationship, therapy can be the bridge that gets you both on the same page—because when parents work together, children thrive. If you’re ready to start your journey, reach out to Illuminative Self-Care Therapy.
Strengthen Your Parenting Partnership Today
Parenting is one of the most rewarding yet challenging journeys a couple can embark on together. When differences in parenting styles create tension, it can feel like you're constantly at odds instead of working as a team. But conflict doesn’t have to be the norm. With a couples therapist, you and your partner can turn your differences into strengths and build a more unified approach to raising your child.
If parenting differences are causing tension in your relationship, let’s talk.
Schedule a consultation today and take the first step toward a more balanced, supportive parenting partnership.
Explore my blogs to read more about how couples therapy can enhance your relationship.
Work together to build a strong, united foundation for your family.
Other Services I Offer in Los Angeles, CA, and Nevada
In addition to couples therapy, I provide individual therapy to support personal growth and self-discovery and family therapy to improve relationships and communication within families. Whatever your needs, I’m here to help. Explore more here.
