A Couples Therapist in Los Angeles, CA Explains Why Communicating Core Values Before Marriage Matters
When couples decide to get married, they are often swept up in the excitement of wedding planning, romantic dreams, and the joy of committing to a shared future. Yet beneath that excitement lies a crucial step that can make or break a marriage: communicating your core values. Having open and honest conversations about your beliefs, priorities, and long-term visions is essential to building a strong, lasting relationship. While these conversations can feel uncomfortable or challenging, they are an invaluable opportunity to ensure that you and your partner are on the same page as you step into marriage.
In my experience as a couples therapist in Los Angeles, CA, I have seen firsthand how avoiding these hard conversations can create cracks in even the strongest relationships. Understanding each other’s core values—those guiding principles that shape how we view the world, make decisions, and live our lives—can pave the way for a deeper connection and a more resilient partnership. Here’s why discussing these values before marriage is so important.
The Benefits of Communicating Core Values Before Marriage
Core values serve as our internal compass. They influence our priorities, determine our goals, and affect how we respond to challenges. When two people enter a marriage without understanding each other’s values, they risk encountering conflicts that feel impossible to resolve. By identifying and discussing these values early on, couples can:
Build trust and intimacy. Vulnerably sharing your values helps you learn about your partner’s deepest motivations and dreams.
Avoid future conflicts. Addressing potential misalignments now can prevent major disagreements later in the relationship.
Create a shared vision. When you know where you both stand, you can work together to build a future that aligns with both of your priorities.
Strengthen your bond. Talking about difficult topics fosters emotional intimacy and shows a willingness to invest in the relationship.
When Core Values Are Challenged: Kelly and Don
To demonstrate the challenges that can arise when these important conversations aren’t had, let’s consider a couple I’ll call Kelly and Don (made up names for example purposes). Kelly grew up in a family where financial security was paramount. Her parents emphasized saving, living below their means, and avoiding unnecessary risks. Don, on the other hand, valued living in the moment. He grew up watching his parents spend freely on experiences, vacations, and celebrations, even if it meant occasionally dipping into debt.
When Kelly and Don first got engaged, they didn’t talk in depth about how they approached money. Kelly assumed Don would want to save aggressively for a house, while Don imagined they’d enjoy a big honeymoon and plan for frequent weekend getaways. After a year of marriage, their differences in financial values came to a head. Every conversation about money turned into an argument—Kelly felt anxious and unsupported, while Don felt controlled and misunderstood.
Had Kelly and Don discussed their core values around finances, they could have identified their differences and worked together to find common ground before entering a union such as marriage. Instead of feeling blindsided, they could have built a financial plan that balanced both security and enjoyment. In essence, their story shows how misalignment in core values can create significant tension in a marriage.
The Impact of Avoiding These Conversations
It’s easy to avoid difficult conversations, especially when the relationship feels strong and happy. But failing to discuss core values can have lasting consequences, including:
Resentment. If one partner sacrifices their values without discussing them, it can lead to frustration and bitterness.
Growing apart. Over time, differing priorities can pull a couple in opposite directions, leading to emotional distance.
Unmet expectations. When values and priorities aren’t aligned, partners may unknowingly place expectations on each other that can’t be fulfilled.
Breakdowns in communication. Avoiding tough topics erodes trust and makes it harder to communicate openly in the future.
For another example, think about core values around family planning. If one partner wants children and the other does not, avoiding that conversation before marriage can lead to heartbreak and disillusionment later on. Similarly, values surrounding religion, career ambitions, or even where to live can deeply impact a couple’s shared life if they remain unspoken.
Premarital Counseling in Los Angeles, CA: A Safe Space to Navigate Core Values
Premarital counseling is one of the most effective ways to facilitate these important conversations in a safe, productive environment. With the guidance of a trained couples therapist, you and your partner can:
Identify your individual core values and beliefs
Explore potential areas of misalignment in a non-judgmental space
Develop strategies for managing differences and honoring each other’s values
Build a foundation of trust, communication, and collaboration
Premarital counseling at Illuminative Self-Care Therapy provides the tools and support you need to navigate these conversations without fear of judgment or conflict. Rather than seeing hard topics as problems, counseling reframes them as opportunities for growth, connection, and shared understanding.
Take the Next Step in Your Relationship
Every relationship requires effort, vulnerability, and honest communication. By discussing your core values before marriage, you and your partner can step into this new chapter with clarity, confidence, and a shared vision for your future. Whether you’re already engaged or just beginning to think about marriage, now is the perfect time to have these meaningful conversations.
As a therapist who sees couples in Los Angeles at all stages of a relationship, I am here to help you navigate these topics in a safe and supportive space. Together, we can strengthen your connection, address potential challenges, and set you up for a successful and fulfilling partnership.
Build A Lasting Foundation for Your Relationship Today
Are you ready to invest in your relationship? Premarital counseling can be the key to building a strong, enduring foundation for your marriage. By addressing potential challenges and enhancing your communication, you'll set the stage for a lifetime of partnership. Book a consultation today to schedule a premarital counseling session and take the first step toward building a strong foundation for your marriage.
Learn more about couples therapy in Los Angeles, CA by exploring my blogs.
Let’s work together towards a happier, healthier marriage.
Other Services I Offer In Addition to Couples Counseling
At Illuminative Self-Care Therapy, I provide a range of services to support your personal and relational growth. In addition to couples therapy, I offer family therapy to improve family dynamics and communication and individual therapy for personal healing and self-discovery. Explore my services here. Whatever your needs, I'm here to help guide you toward a healthier, more fulfilling life.
Shaffrayne (Shay) Solomon, LMFT
